Clueless
by handcuffs
Summary: “But, Georgie, it sounded like... a moan.” “Oh.” A parody of Nora and George's parenting skills, with a side of completely overzealous Dasey and a little bit of implied Lizwin. Rated T for some suggested sexual themes and a small amount of language.


**Author's Note:** George and Nora are terrible parents, they really are. Okay, maybe not terrible, but they're pretty bad. But hey, I guess it comes in handy when you're trying to get it on with your step-sib, right? Anyway, I was inspired to write this parody because of jannika's LWD reviews, specifically the "call a social worker" part. It's really just to make fun of their parenting skills and their stupidity at times. Plus, a few other things...

PS - I overreacted a lot in this. Isn't that what parodies are about? Also, as a side note, **no** part of this one-shot is supposed to be serious... not Dasey, not Lizwin, and obviously not George and Nora.

* * *

Derek stood in the living room one day after hockey practice, waiting for Casey to come home. In what seemed like an instant, she walked through the door, wind blowing her hair all around her face. 

"Hello, Derek," Casey said.

"Hey, Casey," Derek said, winking at her. "I think... I love you."

"Oh my god, really? I feel the same!" Casey said with a big smile on her face.

"So you ready?"

"I'm always ready for you, Der," Casey said as she unbuttoned her blouse.

"Cool, let's do this."

Derek pushed Casey onto the couch and began to kiss her passionately. He moved his hands all over her body as they continued to do... other things.

"Oh, Derek! Activate my force-field, please!" Casey moaned into his ear.

* * *

Meanwhile, George and Nora came through the back door. 

"Oh, Georgie, I had such a great time tonight," Nora said, touching her husbands shoulder.

"What?" George asked.

"Our dinner, at Smelly Nelly's? It was wonderful!"

"Oh, that? Yeah, the chicken was pretty good, wasn't it?"

"So, maybe we should..." Nora suggested as she eyed the basement door.

"Yeah, I'll get on that in a minute."

Suddenly, a loud moan from the living room interrupted their conversation.

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That noise, George, from the living room?"

"Oh, that. You know, it might be Derek's chair. It's kind of squeaky after I spilt soda on it last week."

"But, Georgie, it sounded like... a moan."

"Oh."

"Maybe it's Lizzie and Edwin working on that project they were talking about. Have you seen them since this morning?"

"No, I haven't seen them since... this morning come to think of it. I dropped them off at school, I think."

"I haven't seen them since they woke me up."

"Oh, well, then I'm sure they're fine."

Just as George said that, a light bulb went off in Nora's mind.

"Oh, George! Did you remember to pick them up from school?"

"I was supposed to pick them up?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, well, you didn't remind me."

"What are we going to do!"

"I don't know."

"Maybe I should pick them up."

"I'll call the school."

-

"Hello, school? Are my kids there?" George asked.

"Sir, I am going to need to know their names, I'm not a mind reader, you know." The bitchy school secretary said.

"Oh, right," he paused and covered the end of the phone. "Nora! Who am I asking for, again?" he yelled.

"Edwin!" she yelled back.

"Oh, right."

"Edwin, Edwin Venturi." George told the secretary.

Nora yelled at George again, "Oh, and Lizzie, Lizzie!"

"And Lizzie McDonald, or is it MacDonald?"

"I'm sorry sir, but according to the outdoor monitor, they left with a friend 4 hours ago. Maybe next time you should remember to, oh I don't know, pick them up from school?"

"Oh, alright, bye!"

-

"What did the school say?"

"They said, uh, oh, I wrote it down somewhere," George paused and looked for the post-it he wrote on just a minute ago, "here it is!"

"What does it say?"

"It says... Lizzie, Edwin, friend, 4 hours ago, remember to pick up."

"Oh, alright. I guess I should call their friend then," Nora paused after grabbing the phone, "wait, what is their friend's name again?"

"Beats me!"

"I guess we can just wait then, right?"

"Sure."

* * *

"Say it," Derek said. 

"N-n-o!" Casey replied.

"Say. it."

"No!"

"Casey, you _do not _want to know what I'll do if you don't say it."

"Fine, I will then," Casey paused, her eyes rolling all the way into the back of her head. "Derek, I-"

-

Just as Casey was about to "say it," George and Nora walked in.

"Good evening, Casey," Nora paused and looked at the half dressed teens making out on the couch, "whoa, what's with the hair?"

"Oh, uh, uh, uh, um, uh, well, uh, um," Casey said as she tried to think of a lie.

"Marti made us play princess with her, and, well, I was the one to do Casey... her hair, I mean," Derek lied, displaying his oh-so-classic smirk.

"Oh, well, I like it!" Nora said, trying to sound supportive. "Don't you just love it George?"

"Yeah... your hair, it looks great, Nora."

"So, are you two oldies leaving yet because Casey and I – we're a little busy in here," Derek asked his father and step-mother.

"I think we are leaving, right Nora?"

"Yes, we were going to... where was it again?" Nora thought for a minute. "Oh, we were going to pick up Edwin and Lizzie from their friend's house!"

"That's just great... bye!" Derek said sarcastically.

"Goodbye!" Nora and George said as they walked out of the house.

--

"Did something about Derek and Casey seem strange to you?" Nora asked.

"Who me? I think they're just finally getting along." George replied.

"You're probably right, isn't it so wonderful?"

"Yeah, didn't I'd tell you our kids would get along great?"

--

"Oh, Derek, you're such a great liar!" Casey told him.

"I am, isn't I?" He replied.

"It's aren't I."

"Ugh, could you be anymore of a super keener?"

"I am not a super keener!" Casey paused and took a deep breath. "I'm just a... a regular keener... that's all."

"Just kiss me, princess."

"Okay!"

* * *

After driving around for a few hours, George and Nora finally found Teddy's house. 

"Hello, Mrs. Teddy," George said after Teddy's mom answered the door.

"Uh, you can just call me Teddy's mom."

"Oh, alright then, Teddy's mom. This is my wife, she is Lizzie's mom, so I guess you can call her that."

"I'm Nora," Nora said as she shook the woman's cold hand.

"So, no offense or anything, but why are you two here?"

"We're here to pick up Edwin and Lizzie!" Nora said loudly in the women's face.

"Uh, I called you two to say that my husband was bringing them home..." the women said, puzzled.

"Yes, I know," George said.

"Georgie! You told me that we had to pick them up."

"Sorry, I forgot."

"Oh, it's alright," Nora said lovingly.

"So, um, I guess I'll see you two at the PTA meeting tomorrow?" Teddy's mother asked.

"I thought that was next week?" Nora said.

"No, it's this week – tomorrow." Teddy's mother stated.

"Oh." Nora and George said in unison.

The couple stood in front of the door for a good 5 minutes and said nothing, until Teddy's mother broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Listen, it's late and – "

"I'm sorry, Teddy's mother, but Nora and I should really be getting home. Goodnight." George said.

"Nice to met you," Nora said, shaking the now icy hand of Teddy's mother.

"Bye." Teddy's mother said before shutting the door.

"Well, she was nice," Nora said as they walked back to their car.

"Yeah, you're eyes are very nice, Nora."

* * *

"I can't believe it's already 12:30!" Nora yelled as she walked into her house and saw the clock. 

"It is?" George asked.

"Yes, maybe we should go to sleep."

"Maybe."

"We should say goodnight to the kids first, shouldn't we?"

"I think that's what they said to do in all those parenting classes."

-

The couple walked upstairs and entered Derek's room first. There, they saw Derek cuddling Casey as they both slept.

"Aw, I'm so they're getting along, aren't you, George?"

"Uh-huh."

"Goodnight, Casey!" Nora said to her daughter before kissing her head.

"Night, Derek," George said.

-

Next, the couple walked into Casey's room.

"George, Casey's not in her bed, should I be worried?"

"No, I don't think so," George said.

"You're right; she's probably just at Emily's."

-

After exiting Casey's room, Nora and George walked into Edwin's room.

"Where's Edwin?" George asked.

"I think he's at his friend's house," Nora replied.

"Oh, yeah."

-

They then walked to Lizzie's room.

"George, Lizzie's not here either."

"Wasn't she at her friend's house, too?"

"Possibly." Nora replied.

"Well, that's everyone, right? We should go to bed." George said.

"Yeah..." Nora replied as she looked dreamily into his eyes.

-

As the two walked down the hall, sounds (similar to the ones Nora and George heard before) could be heard from the games closet.

"Did you hear that, George?"

"Hear what?"

"Oh, it was probably nothing." Nora said as the two continued down the stairs.

-

Both George and Nora stepped over a passed out Marti as they made their way into the kitchen and down the stairs into their lair.

"I feel like we're forgetting something," Nora said.

"Oh!!! I think I remember!" George said excitedly.

"What, Georgie, what?"

"We have to go to that PTA meeting tomorrow."

"Oh, you're right! Thanks!" Nora said as she wrote the reminder on the wrong day on the calendar.

"I'm smart, aren't I?" George asked proudly.

"That you are."

--

The two then walked into their bedroom and collapsed onto their bed. They didn't wake up until Casey came in the next morning, shook them, and yelled "I need to get to school! I've already been late 4 times this week!"

Derek laughed as he saw the love of his life attempt to wake up his parents. He laughed even harder when he realized it was Saturday.

* * *

First, I'd like to apologize for how horribly Marti was treated in this fic, passed out on the floor having George and Nora step over her. I love her, I really do... she just had too much sugar that day... Second, sorry about deleting this the first time. The story had some problems and wasn't editing properly. 

I hope you all enjoyed it. Reviews are welcomed, but this is my first fic posted on here so... be nice, please? LOL. ;)


End file.
